Christmas Can Kiss My Balls & Other Affiliate Tips

So, Christmas.

I feel like I should be showering my blog in tinsel, crooning festivities, and embedding an MP3 of Jingle Bells in to this post. You know, just to lose subscribers. Every single advertisement on television is littered in reindeers, snowmen, poxy smiling children and mince fucking pies. I don’t consider myself a Scrooge, but I’m about ready to shove a Christmas tree up somebody’s arse. Instead of allowing a December depression to get the better of me, I’ve been channeling my energies in to working hard (and drinking harder).

On the subject of tinsel, though, here’s a quick Facebook tip for you.

Take whatever it is that you’re advertising. Create a 5 pixel “tinsel” border. Crowbar a reference to Christmas in to your ad text. Enjoy a better CTR.

Just don’t target it to 21 year old male Londoners with “moody bastard” in the keyword targeting. That shit will get X’d and X’d hard. I’m ready and waiting.

I could sit here and write fairytales about how affiliate marketing becomes such a walk in the park over the Christmas period. In reality, I’d be talking out of my arse. This is the first December I’ve spent as a full-time affiliate. I do not have a clue how the market will vary. I am adjusting to the unknown just as everybody else has to – no smart head can buy experience.

You can’t dispute the obvious, though. There are a number of reasons why affiliates should be working extra hard through December. The sheer amount of money being spent online should be reason enough. But you can also factor in demand for plenty of other niches.

I love working the dating niche and I’ve seen good conversions through the month so far. You have to keep an open mind to how your market is going to respond through the different seasons. My first instinct was to liken my own situation to the market.

I thought to myself: “Christmas is coming, what’s the last thing a guy needs right now?”

The answer was obvious.

“A girlfriend to buy presents for.”

I’ve made no secret of the fact that December to March is off-season for dating in Finch’s world. I don’t enjoy commitment over the festive period. Partly because I’m a no strings kinda guy and partly because it’s fucking expensive. After Valentines Day has passed, I mysteriously append “and looking” to my vibes on the dancefloor. Although a fat chance of success those give me…

I was on the verge of taking this attitude in to my marketing exploits, assuming that dating would decline as a niche over winter. But then it dawned on me that the rest of the world actually has some feelings.

Dating remains a strong niche, but there are other products that are really starting to take off, seeing some of their best performing weeks. I don’t put it down to Christmas. I see it as a knock on effect of the marketer’s wet dream otherwise known as a New Years Resolution.

Basically, people who make New Years Resolutions are fucking retards. Why would you need to wait for a new year to start working towards your goals? If you really want to shed the flab from your gut, you’d stop shoving your face with calories at every waking hour. I pity those who can only muster the strength to face up to a challenge when the date reads January the 1st. It’s a sign of great weakness.

But judgments aside, people WILL make rash unusual decisions to splash the cash if they see a product that coincides with their fantasy vision of “Me in 2010”. Whether it’s an acai diet trial to lose weight, a bizopp to get a new job – or even a language learning course. Yes, there are people out there who see that it’s January and think holy shit I better learn Spanish.

As smaxor suggested in his post Explosive Formula for Affiliate Marketing in the New Year, it’s quite convenient for an affiliate marketer that New Years Resolutions reel off like a “what’s hot” of the CPA world.

People will want to lose weight (“I’ll just devour these saturated fats for 2 more weeks and then it’s definitely over”), just like they’ll want to find a business opportunity to avoid getting another year older without getting any closer to that American dream. The good news if you’re working the continuity product market is that it doesn’t make shit all difference to you if they give in to their cravings on January 7th or January 8th. By then the lead is a signed and sealed deal.

The time is now to cash in. I’ve stressed several times the importance of creating an urgency in the consumer’s mind. Normally we have to create this urgency with our own persuasive sales copy. Things are a little different over New Year because people are conciously looking for ways that they can change themselves. There’s a sense of desperation about a New Years Resolution. It’s a moment of strength sandwiched by a year of disinterest in making those changes.

If you decide to put your feet up and party away the rest of 2009, you’re going to be caught cold. There is serious money to be made over the coming weeks – just as there always is. The only difference is you’ve been given a priceless headstart. You KNOW that people are about to attempt lifestyle changes, and you’ve got access to many of the products they’d bend over backwards to try. Get your Christmas grind on and forget about living by some shitty resolution to take action in 2010. That’s the mindset of the weak.

The successful affiliates decided to take action yesterday, not tomorrow, so you’re already playing catch up if you’re delaying what needs to be done until 2010. I’m taking minimal time off for Christmas this year. I’ve never been so busy in my life and I intend to stay that way until I’ve achieved my goals.

For what it’s worth, I’m not actually as bitter at the world as I portray myself to be.

Have a fantastic Crimbo. Stay safe, keep reading my shit, and tap me up in March if you’re sexy.