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My Plans For 2012: Survival, Flat Pack Disposal and America
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One Website That Launched My Career
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10 Best Countries To Live In For The Online Professional

My Plans For 2012: Survival, Flat Pack Disposal and America

2011 was one of the most eventful years of my life. I started it by living the high life in downtown Bangkok (literally, on a 15th floor apartment), and ended it sloshed on the dance-floor of Shepherds Bush Walkabout, an experience that has become uncomfortably familiar over the years.

In between, I’ve travelled to Cambodia, Malaysia and Singapore. I’ve moved house no less than FOUR times. And I’ve singlehandedly kept the coffee economy afloat – firstly via Gloria Jeans and now Cafe Nero. If there’s any life lesson I’m eager to take in to 2012, it’s that I’d be an utter dipshit to kiss goodbye to as much deposit money as I did last year; a grand total that ended up a few notes shy of £5500. FML.

Indeed, the moment where I’m asked to commit my signature to any dotted line is now met by a ferocious growl, followed swiftly by brooding silence. The kind where you could be forgiven for anticipating that I’m about to eat said contract.

My new home is the Greater London suburbs. Greater London by name, Greater London most certainly not by nature. My stress levels have tapered off significantly since finding a semi-permanent home. But that’s not to hide the fact that the closest I get to an adrenaline rush is when an elderly neighbour trundles in to a pile of dog shit outside my driveway. Such is the pace of living in ‘Greater London’…

I think the most excited we’ve ever been was when we thought we found Hitler on a bus.

Hitler on a bus

Alas, moving house has proven, without doubt, that one of life’s greatest miseries is the struggle of relocation. If I have to accept one more flat pack from a courier, I’ll be greeting the merciless prick with my very best “Here’s Johnny…” impression. That and obviously, the point blank refusal to “sign fer it, mate“.

Christ, there’s already one room in my house dedicated to the shit I’ve yet to recycle.

Christmas recycling

That’s my dining room, believe it or not. Correction: That will be my dining room when I get hold of some recycling bags from the council.

Travel Targets in 2012

I already have some trips planned for 2012.

In May, I’ll be heading to America for a wedding, and to meet some of my partner’s friends.

New York, Chicago and Indianapolis will be our ports of call. Can you spot the odd one out? Yep, I’ve been told that Indiana’s biggest tourist attraction is the Indy 500 race, which doesn’t bode well for my souvenir hunt. I’m not a fan of motor racing at the best of times, but especially when it’s the retarded American version that takes place in a circular ring.

The only time I’ve found circular rings and cars to be compatible was in Destruction Derby on the Sega Saturn. And something tells me a Nascar event has gone badly wrong if it resembles as such.

Digs aside, I’m looking forward to visiting America again. It’s been a while since I last had my anal cavities probed at immigration. Remind me not to provoke Passport Control by smiling next time.

I’m also excited to travel back to Thailand at the end of 2012, although I’ve learnt another vital life lesson: don’t come home with a puppy. Unless you like handing over £3000 to government quarantine, as well as the puppy.

With trips to Spain, France and ‘somewhere beginning with B’ (hold hands, let’s pray it’s not Birmingham), it should be a good year.

Business Targets in 2012

Like most affiliates, my gameplan for 2012 is survival. Don’t get banned from Facebook, don’t get sued for false advertising, don’t get swallowed up by the competition.

Generally speaking, if I can succeed with just one of those targets, it’ll be a bloody good year.

It probably doesn’t come as a surprise to many people that I’m slowly moving my business away from affiliate marketing. As much as I love the money, the job is about as satisfying for the soul as a bicycle kick to the bollocks. The sooner I become less reliant on mindless arbitrage, the sooner I’ll be able to force myself out of bed in the morning.

My most important target for the year is to get published. I’ve always wanted to be an author, and this is the year where I’m determined to make it happen.

I’m currently writing a book that sums up the sleaze of working in the Internet Marketing business. While it could be difficult to find an agent for my profanity woven prose, I’m hoping one will take pity on me. Or read this blog and get in touch. Nudge wink ball tickle.

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One Website That Launched My Career

A common trait you will find in many online professionals is the background of being self-taught. It’s something we seem to be very proud of, a sort of retrospective fuck you to academia.

Perhaps the single greatest appeal, and challenge, of making a living online, is the ease of which you can get started. There’s no degree necessary, no interview process, and each individual takes on full responsibility for his or her self.

We should consider ourselves lucky that money can be made with just a modem and a little common sense.

Unfortunately, modems are in heavy supply. And so is the number of would-be entrepreneurs who think they have what it takes to make a living online. It appears that some people are better at self-teaching than others.

I made the decision when I was just 16 years old that I wanted to run my own business. It didn’t happen overnight, and thank god it didn’t. I was a trainwreck through the mid 2000s. After dropping out from school, I spent the next 18 months lurching from one disasterous idea to the next – both in my personal life, and professionally.

When Facebook Timeline is released, don’t be surprised if 2004-2007 is obliterated from my records. It already has been in my head.

My only other job to that point was a 3 month stint at Wickes in Hayes. If God decided to stick the vacuum in the arse end of society, he would probably start with Hayes. It’s a genuinely ugly place.

I wanted my own business, and I wanted to work online. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my days surfing double decker buses straight out of a stabbing scene on the Uxbridge Road.

There aren’t many IT companies that would take on an 18 year old who dropped out of school, and the IT industry was where I saw my future. So I had to develop experience and knowledge on my lonesome.

Private classes were expensive (Baker Street, London…ouch) and they still left me short on opportunities. I went to a couple of job interviews but was finding myself squeezed out of the reckoning. Too young, not enough drive, bad haircut, whatever. I think the most I had going for myself was a strange immunity to taking it personally.

That’s when I stumbled across VTC, a plain looking site that may have just saved my career when it was threatening to flatline.

If you’re going to get a headstart on the kids attending university, you really need information and training materials for your chosen profession. And lots of them.

Back then, when I discovered VTC, it was like hitting the jackpot.

VTC has over 98000 tutorials covering almost every programming language, application or software you’re ever likely to use. For anybody with web development tingling their taste buds, it’s an excellent one stop resource where you can learn as many basics as you can put your mind to.

Eventually my crazy self-teaching binge paid off and I was able to capture a junior web developer job on the back of my portfolio (and probably my desire to learn).

Two years later and I was hired by an agency in Central London, again as the youngest employee in the company. I stayed there for 15 months before quitting to go full-time with my affiliate business. It wasn’t a particularly researched decision. I woke up one morning, checked my affiliate stats, saw my first day of £1000 profit and that was that. Au revoir, mon petit 9 to 5.

I was 21 when I made that jump, right in the middle of the recession. While many of my friends were still labouring through University, I felt an enormous weight of gratitude towards that one site – VTC – which gave me the tools to burst in to an industry that I was a complete virgin to.

If you have the right attitude, the Internet typically has the right resources to launch your career. Remember though, self-teaching is only an option if you have the discipline to execute a kick to your own balls when you deserve one.

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10 Best Countries To Live In For The Online Professional

One of my targets for the next couple of years is to sample life on every continent in the world, including a (very) brief taster of Antarctica.

I spent the last 8 months living in Bangkok which made a great base to explore South East Asia. Now that I’m back in Europe and the novelty of catching up with friends and family has passed, I’m already daydreaming about new adventures. Guybrush Threepwood eat your heart out, I’m ready to conquer the seas.

Expats regularly discuss the sensation of returning home after an extended period of traveling. It’s a strange feeling.

If you’ve spent your entire lifetime in a single city or state, only to one day decide to go traveling, it’s amazing how so little seems to have changed when you finally return home. The uncertainty and adventure is replaced with familiarity and a grinding restlessness. There must be more to life than life as you know it.

Thailand was my first taste of settling in a foreign country. As much as I enjoyed my time, there are things I would have done differently and efforts I would have made if I could go back and do it again. The temptation, of course, as a guy who makes his money from the Internet, is to do exactly that. Go back and do it all again.

I thought I’d draw up a list of countries I’ve considered moving to, for anybody else out there with the restless desire to travel and dump themselves in to the unknown. Let me know if you have any other destinations that I’ve missed. I’m no expert in the field, just a guy who spends too long pissing around on Wikipedia and Google Images.

The 10 Best Countries To Live In

Moving to Argentina

Argentina – The next country on my hit-list, and regularly touted as the Mecca for expats seeking the best standard of living at the lowest price. Everybody I know who has experienced Argentina, has loved it and wanted to go back for more.

Buenos Aires, the capital and gateway, regularly tops polls as the most popular destination for expats. Simmering subtropical weather, luscious food and a vibrant atmosphere are just a few of the descriptions I hear thrown around. Sounds like the perfect remedy for British autumn and winter.

By all accounts, learning Spanish seems like a pretty good idea before planning a move to Argentina. As I learnt in Thailand, language is often the decisive factor between loving a culture, or respecting it from afar, and between making close friends, or merely lots of smiling acquaintances.

Moving to Thailand

Thailand – I spent 8 months living in Bangkok and it’s pretty hard not to fall in love with the Land of Smiles. Thais are incredibly friendly, gracious and welcoming… even if like me, your control over the native language is somewhat sketchy. Thailand is not as cheap as I was expecting, but considering I wedged myself in a luxury apartment in downtown Bangkok, the standard of living to the dollar was immense.

Certain products are dirt cheap (DVDs, electronics, clothes), but replicating your western way of living will rack up the expenses. It’s a country where immersing yourself in the language will reap the benefits of avoiding a tourist economy. Admittedly, hiring a maid for £80/month to do your grocery shopping is a good alternative.

The economy is corrupt and you will undoubtedly find – for better or worse – that money will buy you just about anything in Thailand. Herpes included, so don’t be a dumbarse!

The many beaches scattered around Thailand are simply out of this world. I’ll have the pure white sand and crystal clear waters burnt in to my retinas for the rest of my time on this planet. Little else can compare.

Moving to Canada

Canada – A friend of mine is moving to Canada next year. I’ve never been, but I deal with a lot of account managers based in Canada who seem a whole lot more cheerful than their American counterparts – so there must be something uplifting about the world’s second largest country! What really strikes me about Canada is the balance between urban familiarity and untouched natural beauty.

Canada always scores highly on standard of living polls, and it probably helps my attraction that most Canadians I’ve spoken to, I’ve gotten on with very well. Let’s not forget how much easier it is to move there as opposed to the draconian measures necessary to enter the USA without getting your arsehole cross-examined for a visa.

Moving to Czech Republic

Czech Republic – If you fancy a slice of bohemia, grab a plane to the Czech Republic. Prague has a reputation for offering all the charm of Berlin and Paris at a fraction of the cost. It’s one of the cheapest places to settle in Europe, and rapidly becoming one of the most popular. Known as the City of a Hundred Spires, you’ll find history dripping from every street. Students and tourists flock here, along with a growing number of expats.

I have to stress that for anybody visiting Europe from afar, prices are not cheap across the continent. The further north you go, the deeper in to your wallet you can expect to reach. The Czech Republic has the benefit of being nicely located if you want to jump on a train and see the rest of Europe. Small countries, huge diversity…one of the great attractions of moving to this part of the world.

Moving to New Zealand

New Zealand – My reasons for moving to New Zealand hinge on the fact that it looks fucking awesome. There’s not much more to it. New Zealand is a hot destination for students here in the UK, which probably has something to do with it being the adrenaline junkie’s capital of the world. My friends who’ve travelled there tell me that Wellington and Christchurch are better choices than Auckland for settling down. But the country seems to attract expats all over.

The cost of living is rising in New Zealand, but unlike many other popular expat spots, moving here requires very little adjustment. The language is the same, the people are friendly and there’s already a strong presence of other nationalities. New Zealand and Australia are seen as the traditional landing ports for pissed off Brits seeking a better quality of life.

Moving to Costa Rica

Costa Rica – In many expat eyes, this is the gem of Central America. Costa Rica is the oldest democracy in Latin America, and generally accepted as the safest country in the region. It’s a peaceful, friendly country with a tropical climate and the kind of scenery that takes your breath away. Volcanoes, rainforests and natural fauna… you name it, Costa Rica has it.

Living in Costa Rica can be very cheap if you limit yourself to the bare essentials. But in keeping with many expat hotspots, you will pay a noticeable premium to retain your western way of living. Expect your diet to improve with a rich invasion of fresh fruit and veg, although I would suspect getting a pizza delivered could be difficult if you choose to immerse yourself in the secluded paradise spots.

Costa Rica has been hit by a swarm of North American expats in recent time, making it proportionately, the most heavily populated country by US citizens outside of America itself. What does this mean? Starbucks…coming to a rainforest near you.

Moving to South Africa

South Africa – A stunning country with the strongest economy in Africa, you probably remember clips of natural sublimity from last years Football World Cup. I’ve always had a soft spot for South Africa, being drawn to the incredible safari experiences that are available throughout the country. Obviously living somewhere is about more than encountering lions in the wild, but some of the landscapes look unmissable to me. When it comes to crossing off Africa from my continents to experience, I’m pretty sure it’ll be here that I decide to base myself.

South Africa comes with a few risks attached. Safety issues on the streets are well documented and there are some places where you simply cannot risk walking around on your own at night. There are plenty of tourist horror stories to shit your pants over but ultimately, being sensible and acknowledging the risks should be enough to avoid them altogether. Housing is cheap, food is priced reasonably, but don’t be fooled in to believing that costs are low across the board in the major cities. One look at the forum posts reveals that they’re not, and they’re rising.

Moving to Singapore

Singapore – Seriously Singaporeans, how do you do it? I only spent 5 days in this buzzing metropolis, and I managed to spunk my way through close to £1000 on some pretty standard expenses. Okay, admittedly, Andrew Wee inflated my bill by coaxing me in to buying a shit ton of imported chocolate on the last night, much of which I ended up eating to be able to get back through customs unscathed. But let me put it out there… Singapore is not cheap.

It’s certainly no retirement destination for the old hack making tuppence on his state pension.

That said, Singapore is spotlessly perfect. It really is one of the tidiest and most attractive looking countries you’re likely to find. This is made much easier by the fact that it’s so small. Imagine Wales, with civilization thrown in for good measure.

If you’re a city dweller who likes to be in the thick of fast moving urban life, Singapore will definitely appeal. It has a thriving economy, excellent infrastructure and the comfort of the English language. Just be prepared to sell multiple body components to pay your rent.

Moving to Panama

Panama – Were you not paying attention during Prison Break? Panama is the perfect paradise for criminals on the run. So as an affiliate marketer, I should fit in just fine.

Wedged in the heart of Central America, Panama brings the freedom of two different oceans on your doorstep. It’s a destination that is exploding in popularity for the tourism industry. Many Americans and Europeans alike are drawn to the country for the higher standard of living and feisty climate. You should tackle Spanish before committing to a Panama move. Once conquering the language, you’ll find a passionate and friendly population that is known for being very welcoming towards expats.

Crime is always something you want to consider before relocating to this part of the world. Historically, Panama has developed a reputation as one of the safer countries in Central America – if you don’t take up employment in the drugs trade, you should be fine.

I don’t like to get bogged down in what some biddy in her rocking chair misconceives to be a violent nation on the other side of the world (It’s a bit like the argument, “Thailand? Don’t the women there have dicks?“), but I know it’s a sore spot stereotype for many people looking to move.

Moving to France

France – I’ve been told that the south of France would be the perfect match for my personality. Whether there’s any truth to that remains to be seen. I’ve never been. Paris has never appealed to me. Londoners and Parisians couldn’t be further apart, despite their geo proximity. But the south of France looks to be a different story. Glorious food, regular t-shirt weather and a lackadaisical attitude in getting from A to B. On second thoughts… where’s my passport?

So what of London? Having moved back here in July, would I recommend the city to other individuals looking to sample life abroad?

Yes and no.

London is a brilliant place to visit. Full of things to do, sights to see and with the cultural back-catalogue of history nestled in to every bustling corner. The spontaneous individual with a sufficiently fat wallet can never get bored in London.

But as a home, it can be overwhelming and underwhelming in equal measures. I have obvious ties to the city. Most of my friends and family live here. It’s always felt like home to me, but that’s only because I can’t afford to uproot my loved ones and bung them in the back of the plane to be relocated to the destinations above.

I like to mock the state of Britain (and it’s pretty easy given our recent riots), but as far as sense of humour goes, the Brits are the best in the world. No matter where I travel, I always miss the laughs that come with some self-deprecating banter over a beer and a burger.

Of course, Brits are good at traveling – even better at burning themselves to shit in the process – so it’s not hard to track them down abroad. But as the old adage goes, there’s no place like home. Or is there? I want to collect enough passport stamps to see for myself.

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