I remain convinced that most dating affiliates lack the balls to really get aggressive with their advertising efforts.

Why is it important to be aggressive?

Remember this. If you’re in the dating niche, you’re not marketing to the trendsetters and early adopters. You’re marketing to the crusty old goats who have had many chances to register before, and have found many reasons not to bother.

Why do you suppose the 600+ login crowd on Plentyoffish is deemed to be low quality traffic? It’s mainly because such users have had the chance to be converted, and the moment has passed.

You have to be aggressive if you hope to enter such a competitive market and walk away with conversions.

For that purpose, I’m going to suggest you sit back and watch Se7en – a masterpiece of filmmaking and one of my favourite movies of all time.

No, I’m not implying that all of your dating creatives should be littered with quotes and photos of Brad Pitt. It’s the seven deadly sins that I’m interested in exploring. These sins provide valuable angles that we can use to get aggressive with our marketing efforts.

There’s a sinner in each and every one of us. And if you match the right pair of eyeballs to the right angle, your hopes of a conversion will rocket so far through the sky that you’ll begin to wonder why you wasted so much time spunking dollars on that whimsical “Oh hello darling, come join my dating site, It’s free” bullshit.

Who do you think you are? Hugo from Made in Chelsea?

Most dating affiliates seem to be experts in pandering to the proletarians, while the successful guys are busy exploiting them. That may be a cynical attitude towards life, but forgive me, I’m a cynical bastard and it’s early in the morning.

Converting Users with The 7 Deadly Sins

I’ve replaced lust from the list. If you can’t see a way to use lust to your advantage on a dating site, it’s probably time to find another niche.

Sloth

Many singles have legitimate reasons for not meeting enough members of the opposite sex. Socially accepted reason #1 is “Oh, I never get time to socialise outside work.” For these users, frank and to the point is the way. A sloth responds to instant results.

Greed

Dating sites give keyboard charmers the opportunity to test-drive seduction techniques on large samples of women. No keyboard charmer can resist the chance to message as many women as his Sent box can handle, even when he’s found one he likes.

Online dating to a man, is what Pick ‘n’ Mix was to Finch as a child.

Envy

Envy is a natural by-product of dating sites where the women are severely outnumbered by guys actively messaging them. A lot of men are competing with each other, and as we all know, men don’t compete with each other particularly well.

Acedia

Acedia is the overwhelming feeling of listlessness. Which is how a lot of singles feel about their love lives when making the decision to join a dating site.

Pride

Pride is the most dangerous sin of all, and it goes hand in hand with bitterness – one of my favourite cards to play when advertising a dating site. If a man’s pride is at stake, persuasion is simply a case of channeling the raw inevitable. Perrrfect for recent divorcees.

Wrath

Dating sites can be infuriating for Alpha Males who aren’t used to dealing with women who have the time and space to say “No!” to their relentless advances.

Gluttony

Okay, we’re pushing it. When I came up with the idea of this post, I forgot that one of the 7 deadly sins involves eating too much. Forgive me if this example gets you banished from multiple advertising platforms in one hit.

Vanity

Vanity is a quality nestled in just about every idiot who ever joined Plentyoffish and posted a small essay to justify something as retarded as his favourite colour. Those users who post endless surveys in the style of this or that? Yep, you know who I’m talking about. It’s a textbook exercise in the art of convincing yourself that somebody gives a crap.

Disclaimer: I will leave it down to you guys to interpret and replace the sarcasm in each ad. It’s my new way of punishing the guys who rip ads word for word.

To summarise…

Because a post like this needs a summary to actually have a point.

Airy fairy dating ads that throw out broad headlines such as “Want a Girlfriend?” may have worked in 2009, but times have changed and it’s time for you to evolve or get out of the game.

I encourage anybody who has anything to do with dating, or Plentyoffish, or affiliate marketing in general, to check out this month’s Premium Posts. They will point you further in the right direction.

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