1
Why I Hate Corporate Affiliate Marketing Events
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Hold Hands, Let’s Pray For A Financial Meltdown
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The Dog Shit Littered Road To Affiliate Success

Why I Hate Corporate Affiliate Marketing Events

Last year, I attended London Adtech and was blown away by the number of suits in attendance. I guess it was only a matter of time before our industry became profitable enough that the yuppies and base touching urchins of the Square Mile stuck their dicks in it.

One of the things I remember distinctly was catching Jason from Ads4Dough at an extremely bare basics table, decorated with a bottle of water and surrounded by a hundred companies that had gone all-out to ‘dress for the occasion’.

It really emphasized in my mind how vast the gulf is between affiliate marketers who ‘get it’, and those who think they ‘get it’ by gelling the hair back and dousing their booths with:

1. At least four scantily clad female affiliate managers.
2. Enough jargon speak to give me a fucking headache
3. All style and zero substance.

As most conference junkies have probably worked out by now, I’m not one to travel halfway across the world to trade business cards with slick sales reps that I’ll probably never speak to again in my life. That’s not to say I don’t value the power of networking, I just prefer to stick to my small circle of confidants who generally keep me up to speed if there’s anything big I need to hear about.

I found London Adtech frustrating and confusing in equal measures. Not only did the companies seem to be wrestling for the title of best corporate Zoolander face, but they were also hugely out of touch with the solo working class affiliates like myself. I may not look like a Wall Street banker, but I’m actually a better representation of a real life affiliate marketer than some tosser with his glass of Champagne and never-ending presentation of “digital e-projects”.

Seriously, if you’re still prefixing business terms with “e” to show that you get the digital age, slap yourself in the ganglies and go back to the starting line. You suck.

I think most companies who attend these corporate events are under the illusion that affiliates are dumb, blind and blissfully unaware that suits and jargon speak actually add up to… not much.

Christ, the second you mention that you’re a CPA marketer who works from home, be prepared for that head to toe glance, the tutting of dismay and a polite ending of the conversation while the poorly educated twat turns his back on you to deal with other more respectable attendees.

The latest event on the horizon here in London is the A4U Expo. I don’t know about you, but I stopped taking this event seriously when I saw that it was sponsored by Argos.

What’s that all about?

Am I supposed to be seduced in to promoting Argos? With an entry pass starting at £395, I’d have to spend the rest of my life shelling Argos links to come anywhere close to making a return on that investment.

The only affiliate who will pay £395 for access to this kind of corporate circle jerk is the affiliate who is being sponsored by his company.

Now, I realise there may be corporate suits reading this now who gasp at the idea of their favourite event being compared to a Yuppie’s Day Out. But really, that’s all this shit is. Every single keynote spirals in to a final self-adoring sales pitch. You would be better placed collecting a list of the speakers, Googling their blogs, and reading up on the tips that everybody else will be paying £395 to hear a speech about.

The corporate affiliate marketing landscape couldn’t be further detached from the hard working affiliates who drive the industry’s popularity forward. Some of us are educating ourselves to build sustainable businesses, others are spending lavish amounts to dress with sophistication and learn how to make 4% on a fucking book sale with Amazon.

Good luck with that.

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Hold Hands, Let’s Pray For A Financial Meltdown

How many people saw the clip of Alessio Rastani brashly predicting the markets would crash? The video turned Rastani in to an overnight Internet sensation, a banker with the balls to confess to his inglorious disregard for everybody else’s money.

The video should be taken with a pinch of salt. Rastani has just as much to gain from ‘outing’ himself as every other banker has in operating quietly. But hidden in the scaremongering is a beautiful little snippet of advice for any hustler, any affiliate with the initiative to make some money when the economy cracks again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d72YatP5BP8

We don’t really care that much about how they’re going to fix the economy, our job is to make money from it.”

The governments don’t rule the world, Goldman Sachs rules the world.

If you have the right plan set up, you can make a lot of money from this.

These are words of encouragement that should ring out to any readers who enjoyed the bizopp boom of 2008.

I enjoyed my first break in affiliate marketing by following a very simple economic theory that practically any dipship with a keyboard and some web hosting could have copied – and many did.

When people are fearing for their jobs, and when the mortgage walls are closing in, the opportunity to make ‘easy money’ and become self-sufficient is even harder to resist.

Who wouldn’t want to get rich posting links on Google?
Who wouldn’t want to earn $693/day by clicking a button and counting the profit?

Affiliates, blessed with the flexibility of changing business strategies overnight, swept to meet this demand and banked millions of dollars. In the news, and in the papers, all you would see was doom and gloom. More jobs lost, more disaster predicted and even greater incentives for affiliates to leverage in to their landing pages.

Now, admittedly, the products that were rushed on to the market to meet that rising demand were flimsy at best. Anybody promoting them was likely to wake up richer, but in a bed that smelt distinctly unlike roses.

There’s another reason why we should be optimistic about any market crash.

What do consumers do when they start to ‘feel the crunch’? They go online! Instead of spending money willy-fucking-nilly like a single mum of six on benefits (fuck you all, maggots of the state), they actually have to think about their purchases. That means our chances of courting such transactions are massively improved.

Any economic disaster is likely to be devastating to high street shops, or for intricately designed businesses operating on wafer thin margins. But in our industry, the margins are apple pie deep. We can sell products globally and move towards the money in a blinking of the eyelid. The flexible will survive. The smart and flexible will thrive.

Alessio Rastani has copped a lot of jealousy-driven YouTube comments from the proletarians of society. Those who feel eternally battered in to submission by bankers and giant corporations, despite their own mindless devotion to the very entities they claim to hate.

Proles of Society
Image jacked From Sean Powl on Facebook. Cheers!

But what Rastani says is absolutely true, even if his motives are not (get proles get money seems to be his real agenda, very similar to the Warrior Forum pyramid).

A downward market is brilliant for entrepreneurs and innovative minds.

Fear is the incentive to end all, and as we know, every single commission you’ve ever received was registered for no other reason than because the incentive was great enough. Why shouldn’t we be pissing our pants in excitement at the idea of fear sweeping in to households around the world?

When society feels beaten down in to submission, the little hand offering escapism is worth more than ever. As affiliates, we often find ourselves charged with convincing users to behave as we want them. The task becomes much easier when indifference is replaced with fear, insecurity and a constant desire to change.

I certainly won’t be sobbing if the markets crash, or if fear sweeps the nation. If I were you, I’d be preparing for the worst and getting ready to deliver that escapism. If the worst comes to be, escapism will be in hot demand.

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The Dog Shit Littered Road To Affiliate Success

This is a guest post by James Agate. James writes a blog about SEO, operates a few sites of his own and runs an SEO consulting firm that works with affiliates (amongst other clients).

The road to success is littered with dog shit. Affiliate marketing is no exception.

In my mind there are two kinds of affiliates. The ones that do a few things really well (develop a specialism) and earn themselves decent money in the process and then the other kind; that try too many things and end up earning mediocre amounts.

You’ve probably seen both kinds of affiliates at work.

There’s the super skinny sites that operate the manure model… this is an affiliate or website owner that has outsourced or just written piss poor content and sandwiched it between multiple horse shit offers in the hope that someone might actually feel sorry for them and click that ad and make a purchase. They are also the kind that merrily spend their AdWords balance sending people to a homepage or pay little attention to the commissions versus the CPC.

Then there’s the other kind that clearly understand how the business works and where they fit in the customer purchasing process. The fact that it is so easy to become an affiliate is part of the reason why so many affiliates have shoes caked in dog shit. People assume because it’s free and affiliate networks promise big payouts that all it takes is for you to whack up some vaguely relevant content and people will happily buy using your links.

In the immortal words of Daniel Craig in Layer Cake – “It doesn’t fucking work like that.

What some affiliates forget are the underlying principles of running a successful business. You can ‘con’ a customer and turn a quid or you can look after them and enjoy lifetime customer value. I know which one I’d rather do.

Tip 1 – Encourage loyalty

We affiliates spend time, money and effort acquiring customers so we owe it to ourselves to try and retain them.

Think about it in money terms; if you spend £0.20 per click on a PPC campaign and you convert a £5 offer at say 5% you are going to hit profit if you buy 100 clicks. But what about if you took each of those 5 ‘customers’ and as well as the initial commission you managed to retain say 3 of them. You could then promote multiple other related offers to those 3 retained users and next time you need not spend that £0.20 buying them, they know you, trust you and you know what kinds of offers they like.

I can certainly do more of this and if I am honest, I haven’t cracked the loyalty thing quite yet on all of my sites but I’m getting there one pre-pop, email grabbing offer at a time.

Tip 2 – Don’t spread yourself too thin

This isn’t just a tip for affiliate marketing but more of an online business tip in general. ‘Real businesses’ make carefully considered investments in projects based on the likely risks and returns, weighing up the pros and cons in a rational fashion. Since you’re running an online business, you should do the same.

I’m not saying you need a committee or to embark on a complex journey of planning, research and feedback but having a solid grasp on the following is key to your success: who you are targeting, the problem you are solving, the business model you are going to use, how much is it going to take to get this thing off the ground, how much time will you need to commit in the first instance and on-going (and do you have that time), what is the likely return and how long will it take for you to see a return (and can you wait that long).

I’m pretty sure it’s the unwritten rule of internet business that you shouldn’t buy another domain or start another project until you’ve covered the setup costs of your last project or at least got a solid plan in place that is going to get you there.

The late, great creative director Paul Arden said that people are always looking for the next opportunity, forgetting that the project they have right in front of them IS the opportunity.

Tip 3 – Add value

Some people like to dress up the affiliate marketing business as a complex beast. The fact is that if you want to make big fat juicy commissions then you had better capture that customer right at the sweet spot – when they are at the info seeking or comparing alternatives stages in the buying process.

You can entice them by adding something of real value. There’s a reason why the likes of MoneySupermarket.com are so successful and that’s because they focus on providing real value to the end user. If your site makes the life of the user easier, solves a problem or is generally useful then they will be more than happy to oblige and click your affiliate link.

I try to build sites that are genuinely useful or solve a problem. I have a site that helps people out of redundancy and a site that helps people start a business as well as a few others. I’ve started websites in all sorts of niches like broadband, mobile phones and life insurance without truly thinking how I was going to make it work and what I actually brought to the party.

I’d be lying if I said that my sites were all about the user because I don’t run a charity and I try to ensure everything I do at least in some way contributes to my bank balance but I like to give my sites the appearance of being user focused.

Tip 4 – Don’t chase the money

I once blew a month’s money in two days chasing life insurance commission. Think you’ve got deep pockets? Not compared to these guys. They can afford to drop £30 a click because they either A) have more money than sense B) they are backed up by some mega rich brand that ‘needs’ to be present on that term or C) a combination of the 2.

There wasn’t anything wrong with my website, my keyword research or my ad writing skills. I simply didn’t have the budget to sustain that pesky pilot phase of every PPC campaign. Even if I had got there I probably wouldn’t have had the cash flow to support the demands of the campaign. Painful, but I’m glad I realised that fairly quickly otherwise I might have actually wiped myself out.

Look for gems. Niches or affiliate offers that are underserved or underrepresented or at the very least have good opportunities in i.e. some good keywords are low competition, low cost so at least give you a look in. They are still out there, the other day I found a whole niche with really decent search volume and on several of the bigger keywords, parked pages were actually ranking in the top 5!

If you are going to target a competitive market then you had better have a good USP.

Tip 5 – Relax

As any affiliate will tell you, there’s nothing worse than to sit there hitting refresh every 2 minutes wondering why your AdWords balance is going down but your affiliate network balance isn’t going up. Behaving like this will do little more than turn you into a nervous wreck.

Be thorough in your planning, spot-on in your execution and then to a certain degree you have to trust your instinct and let the thing run its course. You want to look at bigger patterns i.e. daily, weekly, monthly.

I’d like to think I have developed this mentality because I’ve got balls of steel but in actual fact I have just come to realise that worrying about a campaign is quite damaging to not only your health but also your bank balance. You may pause or delete a campaign before it has been given a chance to hit profitability or before at the very least it has been given the chance to show you where the profits might lie.

Giving up on a website too soon is also another crime that I have committed. When you kick off a project you have all the enthusiasm in the world, this tends to fade as it becomes increasingly clear that it’s not as easy as you imagined. Stick with it because if you truly believe in something then you will get there eventually. That annoying man that’s obsessed with “re-inventing the vacuum cleaner” spent nearly a decade on his idea before earning any real money from it.

A word of warning however, don’t let things go too far. Be clear in your own mind how much you are prepared to commit before you write the project/site/campaign off as a lost cause.

To sum up

You know just how easy it is to start life as an affiliate. If it cost you £1000 to join each program I guarantee you wouldn’t take it so fucking lightly and that’s the point. You need to focus on how you are going to turn this website/campaign/idea into the money tree your parents told you never existed – that’s the secret to avoiding the queue outside the job centre. As Finch would say, affiliate marketing really isn’t a piss in the park.

I’ve learned all this the hard way because I reeked of dog shit when I started life as an affiliate. I adopted the scatter gun approach. I started as many sites as I could, as quickly and cheaply as possible and then prayed my bollocks off that one might make me some money – yes I even had one dedicated to compost!

I escaped the dog shit by realising there was a problem and making steps to correct that (washing my shoes, selling domains, closing down websites and focusing on core projects), you can do the same, it’s never too late.

I learned the wrong way to be an affiliate and you’d be surprised how doing the wrong thing can actually be the better way of learning how to do it properly. A man that makes no mistakes makes nothing and all that. I like to tell people it was one big experiment when in actual fact it was good ol’ fashioned naivety.

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