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The Rise of the Content Marketing Moron
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How (and When) to Reignite Your Work Day
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“Do Affiliate Marketers Ever Feel Guilty?”

The Rise of the Content Marketing Moron

In case you didn’t hear, there’s a new craze in town. It’s called Content Marketing. There’s a serial site-killing Google Penguin on the loose, and he seems to be eating bad SEOs for breakfast.

Many of those bad SEOs have been reincarnated as bad Content Marketers.

It goes like this:

Stage 1:Hmm, I sure would love to rank highly on Google. It’s a shame the Penguin had to munch my old bag of tricks. What can I do now?

Stage 2:Gee, every blogger and his dog seems to be guest posting. Maybe I should write a few dross articles and ask command the owners of better sites to publish my links.

Stage 3:

Content Marketing Morons

Stage 4: One week later. “why u no reply?

You know, these ‘content marketers’ have a lot in common with my pet Maltese. They both circle other people’s property curiously, they both piss on them, and they both run away without a care in the world.

But not if you fail to reply! Christ on a bike, that’s just an invitation for the ‘follow up’ email:

Content Marketing Morons

Look, seriously, this is not going to happen. You can make a meal out of my balls or sod off. I have no other purpose for you.

SEO, as we know it, may be heading towards its twilight years. But the new breed of Content Marketer leaves me in no doubt that the era of the complete and utter moron is still in full swing.

My girlfriend just received an invitation to place a link in her sidebar, for free. The incentive? “If you link to us, we’ll seriously consider buying a sponsored post on your site in the future.

Who trains these people? Which WSO did this email template descend from?

My biggest problem with the guest posting outreach process is that it has become so popularised, so tutorialised, that every self-righteous urchin with a WordPress has begun to consider his brainfarts welcome on other bloggers’ property.

Don’t even get me started on the SEO keyword stuffing brigade.

Its just so painfully obvious what your intentions are!

Readers are not stupid and good bloggers are rightly protective of their assets.

If you think you can march in with a blatantly SEO’d article and then wait to cash the cheques, you are wrong, my friend. It doesn’t work like that. It shouldn’t work like that. How can you possibly be so arrogant to think it would ever work like that?

Okay, rant over.

Let this be a message for content marketers: the web is not your playground. Other people’s hard work is not your cheapskate shortcut to the top of Google.

Take the time to contribute something valuable or fuck off completely.

Love,
Finch

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How (and When) to Reignite Your Work Day

Everybody has a motive to escape the office cubicle. What’s yours?

Maybe you despise the corporate politics, the water cooler bitching, or an insufferably low pay cheque. Perhaps you hate the commute. As a native Londoner with a short fuse for standing in transit, the chance to quit morning train-surfing was one of my great calls to action in life.

It’s our motives to make self-employment a success that sometimes lose their shine once the honeymoon period of surrealism wears off. We forget what drove us to pursue the extra responsibility. We forget why we do what we do. And that’s a shame.

Do you remember when Internet Marketing blew your mind with opportunity?

What would you pay to relive the nostalgia of making your first dollar online, of logging in to Clickbank and seeing a sale that demanded no boss, no commute, and just one moment of individual brilliance?

Our early success is often the most vivid to remember. We appreciated it more. It wasn’t a number to tap in to a profit and loss chart. It was something else: proof that our time splurged on the web had a purpose, a direction, a future. Money could be made online.

Four years on from that awakening, I am used to logging in to my emails and seeing sales. It’s no longer a thrill, but a stat to observe. I get nostalgic over how captivated I used to be. The amazement that Internet Marketing works has been replaced by serious unease at the thought that it might someday not.

If you are new to this industry, and particularly if you have just left a ‘traditional’ job to pursue success, the honeymoon period is one to savour.

Enjoy the First Taste of Self-Sufficiency

Any soul brave enough to exchange the rat race for self-employment, uncertainty and a royally shagged economy deserves a honeymoon period. The initial freedom of working from home provides just that. It’s the perfect opportunity to take one step back, appreciate how lucky you are, before plunging multiple steps forward and busting a ball or three to make the arrangements work.

Nobody wants to suffer the ignomy of returning to a day job just weeks after taking a dump on the concept via Facebook. But it’s healthy to take a moment of reflection. Especially if, like many, your precursor to self-employment has been moonlighting with two jobs. You will want to celebrate and enjoy that first taste of running your own ship. A few months down the line and such luxury is likely to cause inner turmoil.

I want to take a break but I’ve got seven projects, four affiliate managers and an inbox full of hot offers to deal with. Maybe next month.

Inner voice: “Or how about never?

In the weeks after my jump to full-time affiliate marketing, I carefully balanced my time between rolling around semi-naked in home comforts and bragging about the hour my alarm clock was set for. I’ve since learnt that there’s a special look of disgust reserved especially for those who need a wake-up call after 11am.

Two dogs and a loud postman has put an end to my 1-Hour Work Mornings. I now rise with my own time zone and promptly smoke the room out with coffee beans.

You can probably tell a lot about my first taste of self-sufficiency by this photographic evidence of my office from 2009:

Affiliate Marketer at Home

A lot of ‘Changing the World’ going on here…

Archaic laptop barely capable of updating weight loss ads without chugging up fumes, rough unkempt looking bastard at the wheel, blanket making do as a curtain, and animals in the workplace (sitting on wireframes for extra productivity points).

It’s no wonder my very first week as a full-time Affiliate Marketer ended in spectacular confusion with an entire business collapsing around me in piles of Google Suspension notices. But you bet it was exciting.

Nothing beats the adrenaline rush of defining your career destination and then galloping after it like a mad man.

Once you have started that pursuit, it’s very difficult to slow down. At various points along the way, you will reflect nostalgically on the start of your journey and how easier it used to be. This nostalgia is a sign that you need to step back and get in touch with your original reasons for wanting to become self-employed.

Regain the Nostalgia of Working From Home

It’s ‘touch base’ with the soul time.

  • Did you quit your job to spend more time with family, to see more of your kids, to make a better fist of your relationships?

Then why are you locking yourself in the basement and growling thunder at anybody who dares interrupt? If your wife has to push a cold dinner plate under the crack in your office door, it’s probably a sign that you’ve lost touch with your family man aspirations.

  • Did you quit your job to pursue the ultimate financial freedom of earning money while you sleep?

Then why do you never sleep? Do you expect to hit a magic financial figure that suddenly allows you to unwind and enjoy life? What is it?

  • Did you quit your job in awe of that classic quote: “Entrepreneurship is living a few years of your life like most people won’t, so that you can spend the rest of your life like most people can’t.

Then why do you still struggle to find happiness in the top dollar hotel suites that no mortal man would pay for? Why do all of your friends pay less for their thrills?

I believe many of us are guilty of losing touch with our original motives for why we do what we do. Stacking money in a bank vault, like economic growth, is tied to an illusion of grandeur. Neither can go on forever. Your current balance will mean nothing when you hit the grave.

To regain the nostalgia of working from home, we must remind ourselves of what we left behind. And why we left it. For some Internet Marketers, this may even lead to the realisation that your overall happiness was greater when you worked for ‘the man’.

There’s no shame in admitting that. In fact, the joke is on anybody with the balls to suggest otherwise. These are the same self-righteous pricks who believe everybody has to be an entrepreneur. Never mind the economic consequences, hey?

Reigniting your work day may be as simple as taking a train to your old place of work. Or driving there and spending a moment outside the gates. If I ever needed a reminder of the life I’m glad to have escaped, it’s the feeling of being packed in to a tube carriage at 8.49am by Kings Cross St Pancras.

Note: I don’t recommend brooding in the shadows outside your former workplace if you are an ex school teacher. Two words: criminal record.

Another good idea is to disconnect completely from technology for 24 hours.

We live in a world where instant notifications are pushed under our noses by multiple sources, on multiple devices at every hour of the day. It’s mission impossible for an Internet Marketer to ignore the noise when his profession has a voice in it.

By disabling your iPad, silencing the phone, and stepping away from the computer, you can begin to come to terms with what you’re left with.

If you find yourself standing lamely, scratching your balls for entertainment, there’s a good chance you need a second passion to give work new meaning. The nostalgia we associate with our first taste of self-employment has nothing to do with the work. It has everything to do with the sense of excitement, the new roads to explore, the not knowing what tomorrow might bring.

Once the honeymoon period wears off and working from home becomes your accepted reality, you need to seek the same excitement away from your screen.

We shouldn’t be afraid.

For most of us, it’s what we signed up for.

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“Do Affiliate Marketers Ever Feel Guilty?”

One of the dumbest questions I get asked is “Do you ever feel guilty?

It’s the inquisition that follows my brief and ambiguous description of what I do for a living.

You’re making money from other people’s misery and false expectations…” goes the moral line of questioning.

Yep, that’s about the size of it.

I sit at my desk wearing horns as a dual-screen flickers with fire and brimstone. Somewhere in a distant land, my digital lambs are being lined up for the slaughter. And for what? Another $5 in my pocket? Don’t I ever feel guilty about that?

Guilty, no.

I feel about as guilty as a fish for shitting in the sea.

Dirty… always.

Just another day at the office.

Why I don’t contribute to ‘share your office’ posts.

As long as advertising guidelines are being followed, there’s no reason to feel guilty that consumers are doing what consumers have always done.

People love investing in their dreams as much as they hate waking up and realising their own naivety for believing in another ‘magic button’.

While I would never advocate products that scam and steal money, there’s a huge misconception of what constitutes a scam in this business. In the majority of cases, users scam themselves.

They buy in to bullshit because they want to. It’s easier than facing reality. Nobody wants to be sold reality. And that’s okay.

It’s the way it’s always been.

Advertising provides an endless stream of placebos to cure emptiness and unease.

Affiliate marketers – driven by arbitrage and the waft of desperation – chase the same ends with less finesse.

It’s this unfortunate lack of judgment that cops a media firestorm; the bad press and FTC booty lashings soon follow. The actions of a few cast the entire industry in a negative light.

Oh, you little affiliate marketing urchin, I’ve heard about your kind.

What irks me most is the idea that some affiliate marketers are ‘above’ the business of advertising.

There are a lot of hypocritical voices in this industry who will speak down on anything remotely attached to CPA, while running reviews on their own sites about products and services they haven’t touched in their lifetimes. I would feel guilty if I was that full of shit.

All affiliate marketers are created equal, but some are clearly more equal than others.

I said that I don’t feel guilty, but I do feel dirty.

So, how is it possible to have a clear yet dirty conscience?

Well, there are two forms of guilt. There is the kind that arises from scamming and ripping people off, which affiliate marketers are often mistakenly diagnosed with.

And then there is the self-inflicted guilt that our time could be spent more productively on helping individuals rather than guiding them further in to delusion.

I don’t feel guilty that I make a lot of money from affiliate marketing, because it’s a legitimate industry and I need to put dinner on the table. That much is fact.

But I do feel dirty that my own talents aren’t going to a greater use. It’s psychologically unsustainable, for me personally, to spend the rest of my career in an industry that breeds such contempt.

Just one hour lost to lucrative campaigns is one hour that could have been spent on objectives I personally believe in – those that excite me. They are projects I can discuss around a dinner table without faceplanting my gravy in shame.

Thankfully I’m in a position where I’m doing well enough to be able to work on both campaigns and my long-term objectives. Yet affiliate marketing is still my job.

I don’t feel guilty about that, and no ‘regulation-abiding’ affiliate should.

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