1
The Traffic Source Doesn’t Suck, You Suck
2
What Disney Can (And Can’t) Teach You About Dating Ads
3
My Experience With Crunch Accounting So Far

The Traffic Source Doesn’t Suck, You Suck

What do successful affiliates have in common?

Is it fast cars, heavy wallets and eyes shaped like dual-screens?

Maybe, but there’s something else. I don’t think you’ll find a single successful affiliate who hasn’t shown a good knack for understanding his traffic sources. It may be one traffic source, it may be many. But without that working knowledge, you’ll find it painstakingly difficult to generate profit.

Self-serve advertising platforms like Facebook, Plentyoffish and AdWords are enduringly popular with affiliates. I mark this down to two reasons. The ease of launching a campaign, and the abundance of case studies readily available for digestion.

However, these platforms are only a small segment of the online advertising space. A few affiliates have commented on my Facebook related posts saying that, actually, it’s not even worth bothering with Facebook these days. The big money is in advertising on display networks and nailing down media buys.

While I would disagree that Facebook is no longer worth the bother, there’s definitely truth to the argument that display advertising is a lucrative and sustainable replacement.

The problem with display advertising – and by twisted logic, the incentive – is that affiliates find it much harder to launch profitable campaigns off the bat. They become disheartened when the inventory shrinks at closer inspection, many of the featured sites refusing to run ads in popular affiliate verticals. They see CPMs of $3.50 that set the alarm bells ringing.

In many cases, the control panel itself is a sprawling mass of more options than a “no bells and whistles” Facebook advertiser could shake a stick at.

So the affiliate does what could be expected of him. He runs back to Facebook’s loving arms, willing to sacrifice the great unknown for super tight margins and bitching interns. Whatever makes you feel at home, right?

There are hundreds of traffic sources that can be called upon. Why do so many affiliates choose the same two or three? In fact, let’s elaborate on that. Why do so many affiliates settle for being mediocre on the same two or three?

I’ve linked to this article countless times, but it’s value never diminishes. So once again, here is a list of traffic sources that could keep you busy for the rest of the week.

Now, back to the question of what do successful affiliates have in common?

The answer is patience, determination and perseverance to cancel out distractions, take one of those ad platforms, and sponge up every last piece of information about it.

You can do this by signing up and hacking together a campaign to test the waters. I don’t recommend it though.

Have you seen what happens when you try to port a Facebook campaign to Plentyoffish? It doesn’t work. No two traffic sources are the same, so porting a campaign to another in the hope that it will become profitable straight away is very optimistic thinking.

Before advertising on a new traffic source, I like to contact my account manager and interrogate him for some perspective on what other affiliates are doing. This shows that I need direct results and that I don’t have budget to piss my message in to the wind on a branded hope and prayer.

Once I have a good idea of how suitable the platform is for direct response marketing, I’ll make a decision on whether I want to go ahead and inject whatever holding balance is required. This is a small step, but it saves me the bother of 2009 revisited.

2009 revisited? Yeah, having a leftover balance of $982.94 in seven different traffic sources after losing my Google account and depositing a grand in to every alternative I could find. Binge depositing is bad, kids.

If you’re going to try a new traffic source, it’s only logical that you extend it the same level of patience as you would with Facebook. If the first campaign bombs, you probably had a shitty campaign. Don’t blame the foreign traffic source for your own ineptitude or one size fits all marketing.

Gather some test data and then drop your account manager another email. Ask for some advice on how you’ve configured the campaign. Does it look right? Are you missing any obvious tricks that other affiliates are cashing in on?

As always, it’s necessary to measure campaign variables in a strategic manner. You can only do this with a clean slate. I’ve been working with an adult traffic source lately, and even though I’m dealing in the same vertical (dating offers), I’ve had to assume the identity of somebody who knows nothing. I split test variables that I needn’t even worry about on Plentyoffish because I’ve had time to key in those campaigns already.

Small details cause massive ripples of change. Imagine if you’d never played with the browser targeting on Plentyoffish, or the geographic filtering on Facebook. Christ, just imagine the carnage if you showed Facebook the same disdain that these new traffic sources receive when you can’t get your first campaign profitable.

Successful affiliates know this, whether they’re advertising on Facebook, AdWords or some shitty display network based out of the Angolan jungle. The money is in the detail, the planning and the execution. Learn the traffic source and you’re halfway there.

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What Disney Can (And Can’t) Teach You About Dating Ads

Watching a Disney movie is like wading through all the stereotypes that have been proven wrong since your childhood. It can be a traumatising experience for the Bridget Jones thirty-something who still hasn’t found a man remotely akin to Prince Charming. If you’re a guy, it’s more of an exercise in ninety minutes of wishful thinking.

I’ve never been a Disney fan. It lacks swagger, and I just hate how the annoying brat always wins.

I guess my personality can be summed up by the sweeping emotion I felt at the end of Wall-E (was that even Disney?). My girlfriend shed a tear of happiness. I felt a pang of resentment that the fucker didn’t get crushed.

Alas, Disney movies can still serve a purpose – even for black hearted affiliate marketers such as myself. They can help us explore the visual stereotypes that have been ingrained in to consumers from an early age.

There’s no finer example than the portrayal of a handsome Prince Charming. Check out the chops on this smug bastard:

Disney Prince Charming

Everything about the dude screams stereotypical attractiveness, but what features create that image? I think the defining attributes are the pumped macho build, the wide smile and the chin.

Knowing what we know, that girls from a young age are conditioned to view these physical features as attractive and desirable, how would Mr Chinny fare as the lead model for our latest round of dating ads?

Very well is the answer, certainly from the majority of my own tests.

Guys with “the Disney Chin” seem to have a natural advantage when it comes to clickability. Ironically, the effect was amplified when I used an amateur model who also happened to be dark and handsome.

Get chin, get laid.

Another interesting finding was the correlation between images that appear professional, and those taken in the amateur MySpace hobag style. If I used a professional model with a big chin, the CTR was much lower than an amateur quality photo of a male who possessed the same chin factor.

I guess this confirms what most of us already knew. Photos that look “home-made” will routinely outperform the rest.

But does it tell us anything else? Maybe females are banner blind and happy to ignore Disney stereotypes when they’re obvious to the naked eye. But shove the same stereotypes in a natural looking environment and you will frequently reap the rewards.

If Prince Charming is a good marker for your female dating ads, what parallels can we draw between Disney and single males?

I ran a similar test using the classic Princess (blonde, hair-down-to-her-arse…) as my requirements for suitable female models. In nearly all cases, this classy respectable image was outperformed by two twin click factors: tits and ass.

It seems guys don’t want to click on ads that follow the Disney stereotype of beauty. Maybe that’s because beauty is an afterthought to the male instinct of click whatever gets the loins a’pumping. Who knows? But I found in nearly every experiment, the skankier the chick… the faster the click.

Guys respond much more readily to a pose that can be interpreted sexually, heavy make-up, secretary glasses poised at lusty angles (Click BOOM!), and a bit of rough around the edges.

Does that mean they’d date the same woman? Probably not, but it’s an effective formula for attracting clicks.

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My Experience With Crunch Accounting So Far

The single weakest area of my business prior to joining Crunch Accounting was unquestionably my ability to handle taxes.

If I could show you my hairline before and after tax crept in to my life, you’d appreciate just how integral it’s role has become as the chief tormentor of my business.

There are Republicans in the world who dread tax less than I, and that is saying something. That is really really saying something.

Anyway, political bumberclarting aside, what are the factors that convinced me to invest in an online accounting service?

Lost sleep, notepads full of calculations and four muddled bank accounts – these were just some of the symptoms that finally drove me in to the loving arms of Crunch Accounting. I considered us somewhat of a forced marriage, but one worth consummating for the good of my sanity.

I’ve had the best part of a year to weigh up the benefits of using their service, so here are my two cents for anybody else who is interested.

Note: This is only going to be relevant if you run a business in the UK. Crunch has yet to expand in to Europe or across the pond. Understandable, right? Who would want to vacate the lovely sunny landscapes of East Sussex during a fantastic English summer? Besides fucking everybody, of course…

Crunch is an online accounting service that handles all your paperwork and tax filing. It has a very sleek interface, allowing you to add expenses and invoices on the move. You can get a running total of what you’re due to be raped for in corporate tax, what you can afford to pay yourself in dividends, and all the cretins that currently owe you money.

For a monthly subscription of £70, you can avoid hiring an accountant (who would probably run the risk of contracting Herpes if forced to do the books in your cheesy wotsit contaminated basement/office).

Instead of having that personal accountant, Crunch supplies you with a qualified account manager who you can call, email or badger over Skype.

You may have to book in an appointment first, but hey, it’s probably more reliable than calling a part-time accountant. You know you’re not going to end up redirected to voicemail while the bastard enjoys his impromptu two week vacation in the Bahamas. Oh that vacation, the one he didn’t tell you about.

It took me several days to transition my accounts to Crunch’s system. If you’re firing your accountant during the middle of the year (always better to be an arsehole before Christmas), expect to spend a good few days loading invoices and expenses in to the system.

Crunch glosses over the process and makes the system as user-friendly as can be, but let’s face it, this shit is never going to be Friday night entertainment. Adding expenses is a pleasantly brainless experience, and that’s exactly how I like my accounting to be.

You can reconcile accounts automatically by feeding a spreadsheet of your bank statement and letting Crunch go fishing for correct matches. This thought would usually fill me with dread. The last thing I want is for some crazed machine to start reconciling thousands of payments with 85% accuracy, but it seems to be effective.

I personally have to reconcile statements manually because my bank (If you can honestly call yourself a bank, Santander) is a cock.

All in all, Crunch has gone to painstaking measures to ensure the online software is user-friendly, intuitive and easy for a tax-hater like me to get to grips with.

So what would I like to see improved?

The single biggest beef I have with Crunch is their non-support for foreign currency invoicing. It’s possible (and convenient) to invoice companies in Sterling from within the control panel, but the system will have a bitch fit if you dare to bill companies in anything other than GBP.

That’s bloody inconvenient for me, given how a large number of my invoices are actually in USD or Euros. However, you can work around the kinks by entering a quick invoice in GBP after the hard copy has been processed by your bank. It’s not a perfect solution but it will do for now. I hope you’re listening, Crunch!

A year in to our relationship together, and I would have to say, the marriage is still going strong.

Crunch has saved me a lot of time, not to mention the sleepless nights, by simply providing a qualified barrier between myself and the dreaded tax man.

They deal with my paperwork. I deal with the playfully coloured forms and buttons. This is how business should be.

You… smart. Me… colourful buttons.

I think we’re gonna do just fine together.

Click here if you want to try Crunch Accounting for yourself.

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