My First Regrettable Acts of 2014
December 31st, just gone 1pm:
I’m enjoying a very small window of opportunity in No Man’s Land. The abyss between getting drunk and merely thinking about getting drunk.
No work today.
Today is my Sabbath.
I know a lot of affiliates are curiously teetotal. The idea of getting wankered is seen as a threat to one’s ability to make money online. Forgive me… for I am British.
And so, New Year’s Eve is my favourite night of the year.
Perhaps it’s the clean slate ahead.
The chance to wake up a new man on January 1st:
A pang of motivation, a bubble of new goals, the itch to get started.
But first… a roaring headache.
Taxi to Spoons.
All day breakfast. Nose an inch above the plate. Toast crumbs dribbled in beard. Don’t give a fuck. The Vodka shakes. What are these stamps on my hand? Taxi home. Feeling nuclear. One false step and I’ll blow.
An afternoon nap, swiftly interrupted. The sprint is on.
A bout of the shits.
Oh fuck, why Tequila?
An evening hangover, morose sorrow. Get walked by the dogs.
Eyeful of daggers for anybody in sight.
Home, sofa, primal groans.
A Recovery Twister:
Miracles do happen.
The fog lifts, a haze departs – memories of Amsterdam – I’m… why am I drooling?
A calm wave of serenity.
2014: I’m having you by the balls.
And in that priceless moment, just before ordering a savage Meat Feast and internally combusting once and for all, I really mean it.
Happy New Year, Affiliasphere.
Auction them off then :)